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Old School vs New School   The New World Order

The Warning   Burn, Baby Burn

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I've long thought that when what happens to someone on the other side of the planet affects me as much as if it were a close relative or neighbor, we would have peace on earth.

The person who ate an undercooked bat in China and the worldwide outrage over the murder of George Floyd are evidence that we're getting to that point.

To Frank:

I'm going to be Joe with you Frank. Now, don't take this personally, I'm not singling you out here. I'm Joe with just about everyone except my wife. She calls me... Well, I won't tell you what she calls me.

God, on test driven development:

Dang, I forgot to include that test case in the build where the asteroid hits the earth. Had I included it, the build would've failed. So now we're left with humans overpopulating and destroying the planet. And those dinosaurs were so cute.

Confessions of a retired Mafia hit man:

Of the 16 people that I murdered, 11 of them were ass wholes who deserved their fate. Yes, I do admit that the remaining 7 victims were innocent bystanders, who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nobody's perfect, but I did ace undergraduate calculus.

The law of survival doesn't favor the strongest, the fastest, the fittest or even the smartest, and certainly not the most stubborn. It favors the most adaptable. Viruses and bacteria understand this. A lot of people don't.

Guzzardo Home

Eclipse August 21, 2017   Science

Patriots    The Pepsi Challenge

Super Bowl LII    Yuli Gurriel

Where's the outrage?    Bad Ideas

The love of my life   The price of freedom

Who Matters?   Star Child

Wayne Lapierre

Satchmo   Miles

MJ vs LJ   Dream no small dreams

Jerry Mander for Congress

I support the women's movement, but it don't mean Jill Feculence*

My claim to fame   We work?

Life is a journey, and when you reach your destination, you're dead.

Life is a brief interval between 2 eternities.

Introducing the NRA's first gun share program.

Defecato ergo sum, or in more common vernacular, I flatulate, therefore I am. (With AI, I don't need to think no mo'.)

In my next life, I want Miles Davis to nod toward me and say, 'that cat plays like a muthafuker'.

Would you rather be a small man with big ideas, or a big man with no ideas? I'd rather be a big man with big ideas. I'm a short guy. You can't win them all.

I do take umbrage about many things. But as a considerate person, I put it back when I'm done.

Last week I defenestrated my doppelganger. Walking away from that one was easier for me than it was for him.

I'm outside my comfort zone so often these days that when I'm in my comfort zone, I feel uncomfortable.

I gotta million of 'em. Some of 'em are actually funny. Unfortunately, most of them will get me in trouble with HR.

This life is a test. Had you lived a less meaningful life, the test would've been easier.

Masochists have more fun.

Underneath my gruff, crusty exterior, there's an even gruffier, crustier interior.

For those of us who possess free will, life is a consequence of the decisions we've made. For those of us who possess free wifi, life is good.

You won't be remembered for what you got. But you might be remembered for what you gave.

I started taking Viagra a few months ago. It's been a tremendous boon to my doggle.

What I lack in skill, I make up for with lethargy.


My mood swings are so extreme and unpredictable that my emotional support dog needs an emotional support dog.

To anti-vaxxers I say, go get your own planet, because you're not entitled to live on this one. And if you're lucky enough to find one that's flat, more power to you.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to a woman's heart is through her ears. It's unfortunate that it's taken me so many years to become a good bullshitter, but my wife is a great cook, no BS there.

I've been a bottom feeder most of my life. I'm not ashamed of it. Never forget, scum always rises to the top.

I threw caution to the wind and it blew the road sign right back into my face.

Joe's Embryos and Torsos Warehouse.

Your one stop source for all your body part* needs, both generic and built to spec. Check our extensive catalog for pricing and options. (* Sorry, we no longer carry low margin limbs and appendages. We suggest you visit Alibaba for that. Chinese prisons have plenty of stock on hand for those customers.)

* Jill Feculence is the much more refined and sophisticated cousin of her better known relative.